I am a single mother (well, almost) when it comes many things, including raising our 7-year-old set of twins. For some time now my boy has been displaying traits of aggressiveness and anger. This led me to look for ways, seek help and read child psychology and supporting literature, to deal with him. I am not pro-punishment and my goal was to help him deal with his anger and modify the behavior with positive reinforcement. It is undoubtedly a learned behavior. And I believed it can also be unlearned if dealt with at the right time and more importantly in the right way.
There has been a remarkable change in his behavior over time. He is calmer and more open to listening and verbally expressing himself. I am sure there are many mothers out there facing similar ordeal and struggling with angry and aggressive toddlers, pre-teens and teens.
There has been a remarkable change in his behavior over time. He is calmer and more open to listening and verbally expressing himself. I am sure there are many mothers out there facing similar ordeal and struggling with angry and aggressive toddlers, pre-teens and teens.
Responding to and dealing with children’s anger can be agonizing, draining, and stressful for parents, especially mothers. As a culture, we are not conditioned to deal with anger since our childhood, often leading us to believe being angry is not acceptable and reflects badly on our character. Hence, we often feel guilty for expressing anger. When we become parents, we expect the same from our children.
As parents, we must absolve ourselves of the definition of anger we have grown up with, and begin seeing anger just as an emotion, like love, fear, happiness. As parents and teachers, we must be coached to not view angry outbursts as a sign of serious problems, instead treat it with patience, empathy, and respect, just like we would like others to treat us when we are angry.
Often anger issues in children don’t need to be managed. The emotion subsides once the situation is over and life becomes normal again. However, anger becomes alarming, when it becomes chronic and destructive, for self and for others. Parents must get worried if their child exhibits severe anger issues, directed towards, self, parents, siblings, friends, pets and sometimes inanimate objects too.
In dealing with an angry child, our goal is not to repress angry feelings in the child, but rather to accept the feelings and to help him/her channel and direct the strong emotion towards something more meaningful and constructive.
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